Runnin' Dry
I haven't really slept properly since I got back on Tuesday. I didn't sleep at all that night - I eventually took a nap at around 9am, but I had to be ready to head over Ledi's place before 7 so I didn't sleep for too long. I ran out of things to do. I didn't sleep at all last night - I went over to Ledi's around 4 - 4:30 ish for an MK party, after which watched videoes, listened to music, played video games, and eventually ended up watching morning cartoons and looking for pictures of Yugi in diferent clothing. I eventually left at about 11 to get back home, 'cause Ri-chan told me he'd be coming over today. He's not - he's too tired. I can sympathise, I certainly wouldn't drive anywhere right now.

I have the badger song stuck in my head.

Sleep has lost some of it's appeal to me. No - rephrase. Sleep is still appealing, but going to sleep is not. Only when I'm really tired does sleep not involve at least half an hour of trying not to think. Some people can out their heads down and be asleep in moments. I am not one of these people.

In any case, I suppose I should get back to work. I'll be heading up to Liam's place - maybe I'll be able to sleep again if I've got someone else with me. I mean... it didn't work this morning but hey, I remain ever optomistic, hey?

Grubs up. 'Nuff for now.


"The word 'politics' is derived from the word 'poly', meaning 'many', and the word 'ticks', meaning 'blood sucking parasites'."
~ Larry Hardiman

- posted by Washi @ 6:19 pm 0 comments

 
Letters from Under a Bridge
I'm tired of being me right now. I really really hate me and all my patheticness.

Tell me it's a good thing all you want, the only thing I hate more then the fact I break down into a puddle of tears when even the slightest thing happens is the fact that people now expect me to do just that. I hate it so much. I hate being so sensitive to every little thing. I hate being so predictable in my pathetic nature. It's one thnig to be expressive, but I'm not. I don't express, I just cry. Crying can mean many things. It can mean 'I'm so happy'. It can mean 'I'm sad', 'I'm scared', 'I'm angry', 'I'm frustrated', 'I'm injured', 'I'm proud', etcetera etcetera...

I'm told repeatedly that I need to learn to talk. This is, of course, true as can be demonstrated by the fact that I have been told it by multiple people. I'm no good at talking. Not without planing. And by the time I've planed what I'm going to say about any sort of important issue, it's too late - I'm not asked about it and I don't want to be one of those people who just brings these things up in conversations without the conversation lending itself to discussing such. I'm sorry Ri-Chan, I really am. That's why I used to write letters to my parents when I needed to tell them something. Mind you, if you've read this for a while you know how THAT goes. Does it not occur to people that, if I write a letter to them because I don't feel I can speak to them on equal terms, coming to me and baring down on me with reasons why I'm wrong for the way I feel is not the way to work it? It's like that bit from Eva R, I suppose. "I have a problem. I want to tell someone, but I can’t open up. I want to reach out, for hands I will refuse to touch. I need someone to talk to me, but I don’t want to hear their kindly words. I need a shoulder to cry on, but no one can see my tears. I need you to open up your heart to me, but I don’t want your sympathy. " Everyone gets that though - it's a part of who we are. It's the continuing angst of our own pittiful existences.


You may note there is no update. That's because most of the events of this week have lead to this update. I'm a very sad, small individual.

I suppose that is enough bitching for now. 'S gonna be a long, lonly night. But at least I've been loaned Dogma to keep me company when I can no longer colour.


"Perhaps the self-same song that found a path
Through the sad heart of Ruth, when, sick for home,
She stood in tears amid the alien corn; "
~ John Keats, Ode to a Nightingale
- posted by Washi @ 11:37 pm 0 comments

 
Rasuberi Heaven!
My living room smells like Raspberry. We got a rasbery melt, and I put some of it in my oil burner to melt. It smells divine, really really does.

In any case... Why is no one online? 10 pm on a monday, no one's on... 'Sept Mitchell, and he's away. I'm lonely. But I can't call anyone, 'cause I think most everyone is either out or studying like I should be. Like I WILL be once I've finished this, anyway.

I suppose it's update time, yes? SWATVAC has started, and my commission bidding time finishes tomorrow. I'm tired and low on doe. But that's me right now. How about me... FIVE MINUTES AGO! :: oooo... ::

Yay! Iduna just came on!

Okay, back to the me that is me past... What have I been up to since the last time I wrote an insightful post... okay, the last time I wrote a post that wasn't a list of quiz results (Mmm... inspiration). I took another stab at that talking thing - I'm getting a little better at it. I still don't say everything I want to, mostly because it doesn't fit in anywhere in the conversation and I feel stupid saying something out of the blue like that. I had to throw a few of those in in any case to try to explain as much as I could - which I did very poorly. Therein lies a part of the problem with it, methinks - You want to keep talking untill you've made yourself clear and explained everything once you've started, so the editing that goes on to keep it relevant or in line with the conversation really messes you over. Especially if, like me, you're one of those people who worry and fret and fear a lot.

But that asside, things have been okay since Wednesday. Went to the chiro, activated my bank card, checked my account... pittiful, of course (What does one expect when one doens't work?) and got home in time to... um... s' about it. Thursday Ri-chan stayed over, and that was very good. Friday went over to Ri-chan's place, and that was also very good. We ended up going to one of his friends places for a pool thing (I had no bathers, so I remained more or less fully clothed) and I went to a brainstorming thing on Sunday. Unfortunanly, I left the session five minutes too late to catch the bus and had to wait 1/2 an hour for the next bus. I then got back to Liam's to discover that his parent's had gone out for a movie and he was at a game - and so I was stuck out the front. My phone had also run out of credit that morning, so I couldn't really call anyone. So I gave Liam a one- ringer and hoped he'd call back. When he didn't I called again, and he picked up -_-.

I wasn't left outside for too long luckilly. It's cold up that high.

Anyway, I've gotten extremely oversensitive in my old age. ThingsI may once have laughed at now make me want to scream and commit mad violence. I guess it bothers me that some people don't understand what they're saying or exactly what it is they're laughing at. I don't think pain or torture is cool, K? So shoot me.

Cut that one short. Getting better at the edditing, hey?

Guess I should cut off here. Go inside, do some study, yadda... Iduna's not talking to me anymore anyway. Mum'll be back soon. I've probably done something wrong, so I'll get spoken sternly too. Then I'll sleep. Night.


"Politics is the skilled use of blunt objects."
~ Lester B. Pearson

- posted by Washi @ 9:51 pm 0 comments

 
Lethargic Drunk.
"HHhhh...I'm sleepy."
You might be one of the other drunk types for a
while.. but you usually end up falling assleep
before the party's over. When you are awake,
you tend to be in your own world, observing how
funny things look with beer goggles on.


What Kind of Drunk are You?
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You are Spearmint.
You are quick-witted and sharp. You pay close
attention to details and you can tell what your
friends are feeling. You are always the first
to understand a joke and you are valued for
your insight and advice. However, you
sometimes isolate yourself from other people,
afraid to share your own feelings.
Most Compatible With: Cinnamon


Which Tic-Tac Flavor Are You?
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Your soul is bound to the Seventh Totem,
Pandora: The Spider.

Pandora appears as an amethyst spider. She
embodies creativity, imagination, craft, and
virtuosity. She is associated with the
color amethyst, the season of autumn, and the
element of wind. Her downfall is daydreaming.

You are most compatible with Tortoises and
Cockroaches.


Which Animal Spirit Totem Are You?
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You are my Thermometer!


Which object in my refrigerator are you?
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What Is Your Funny Sexual Artifact?
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Your soul is bound to the Rose Petals: The Wronged. "'ve come undone and all hopes of mending me are gone because the pain took my soul. Can't you see? The only one who can put me back together again is me." The Rose Petals are associated with sorrow, reflection, and wisdom. They are governed by the goddess Persephone and their sign is The Teardrop, or Broken Love. As a Rose Petal, you are always self-reflective and may be hard on yourself. You probably have been hurt in the past by other people and can sometimes distance yourself, as a result. You don't usually let other get too close to you, but you are very good at mending your spirits back together by yourself.
- posted by Washi @ 11:30 pm 0 comments

 

You are Form 5, Dragon: The Weaver.

"And The Dragon seperated the virtuous from
the sinful. He tore his eyes from his sockets
and used them to peer into the souls of those
on trial to make a judgement. He knew that
with endless knowledge came endless
responsibility."

Some examples of the Dragon Form are Athena
(Greek), St. Peter (Christian), and Surya
(Indian).
The Dragon is associated with the concept of
intelligence, the number 5, and the element of
wood.
His sign is the crescent moon.

As a member of Form 5, you are an intelligent and
wise individual. You weigh options by looking
at how logical they are and you know that while
there may not always be a right or wrong
choice, there is always a logical one. People
may say you are too indecisive, but it's only
because you want to do what's right. Dragons
are the best friends to have because they're
willing to learn.


Which Mythological Form Are You?
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Y'know what's funny 'bout that? 5's my number. Always has been.
- posted by Washi @ 10:47 pm 0 comments

 
Feast of the Unconquered Sun
That's christmas if you're wondering. Stumbled across a page about why it's unchristian to celebrate Christmas, due to it's strong roots in a pagan holiday and the assigning of the face of the sun king to Jesus. Nice to see someone on the other side of the fence noticing this too. This is written from what strikes me as a very fundamentalist point of view. So I'd probably be irritated by the writer where I to ever meet them, but it's still interesting. Even if it does seem, in places, that the writer contradicts him/herself out of a desire to put forwards the scripture as the one true path to follow. It's all belief, no?

In any case, My wallet was found (Let's not go there) and I'm hungry (Let's avoid THAT too) and I have an hour to kill before Liam arrives. I am gripped by the urge to start writing things on my arm with my compas> god only knows why and the keyboards fucked up so I have the shift key stuck on on permanent> Hence the lack of fullstops: I"ll just use a colon instead:

I"m gonna go hit something now>


"And they of the people and kindreds and tongues and nations shall see their dead bodies three days and an half, and shall not suffer their dead bodies to be put in graves.10 And those who dwell on the earth will rejoice over them, make merry, and send gifts to one another, because these two prophets tormented those who dwell on the earth."
~ Revelation 11:9
- posted by Washi @ 2:11 pm 0 comments