Shadows and Tall Trees

My father has sold his house. He has to be out before christmas, so he will be living up in Murry Bridge for a little while. Mum wants to move after christmas so that she can finally break up with the bloody landlord. Well, that's not the main reason - She can't afford the rent he's charging. But that will be a sideaffect which I will be delighted to hear about.

I saw the second Harry Potter movie yesterday. Thought Malfoy senior looked damn cool thunkya very much. Reminded me of something mentioned in 'Good Omens' (An excellent book if you haven't read it) - Angel wings were no diferent from those of fallen angels, except that fallen angels wings were neater. I suppose it depends on who the movie/book is aimed at, but it seems that the neat, pollished and well groomed man (Or woman I suppose, but it seems to be a man) in the dress suit is the bad guy while the sort of scruffy one is the good guy. And the one with the damn sexy voice is the evil one.
I think it has something to do with the accent, or possibly it's just the move of speach, But a lot of bad guys have a similar sound to their voices. I think the best example is Scar from the lion king. I always thought he had the most gorgeous voice, and I started noticing where it came up again. Tim Curry has a somewhat similar accent, I think, which I noticed while watching The Three Musketeers (Which reminds me, I want to find out the name of the actor who played the guy in black with the eye-patch. Now THAT is a sexy voice.), although the character he played didn't sound quite so layed back most of the time. Shadow from Sonic Adventure 2 also has a similar voice (In English) I noticed. Which I personally thingk suits him, by the by. In any case, Could it be the accent? Or just a particular speach pattern that affects the words a certain way. I know the pitch has something to do with it, that's for certain.

Alright, let's leave those mussings behind.

"And so we're told this is the golden age
And gold is the reason for the wars we wage"
~U2, 'New Years Day'
- posted by Washi @ 11:33 am 0 comments

 
Riding on the Ghost Train

It occurs to me that I am much younger then most of the people I know. Not by years, but in my mind. It seems to me that I haven't progressed far beyond my age when I was 12, despite six years having past. I still cry at the drop of a hat (I watched the green mile and spent the last twenty or so minutes crying for some reason. I mean dude, I KNEW the big guy was gonna get it from the begining.) I still get scared of the most ridiculous things, I listen to fourteen year olds talking and feel ill. They take it all as the way things are. And I think that, mentally, I'm very immature. But no-one noticed it because they mistook it for maturity. Because I saw no reason to run around wreaking revenge on ex boyfriends (Which I didn't have anyway) or go all wierd over the sorts of things young people seem to these days, It was decided that I was mature. Truth was I wasn't ready to go around being a little bitch. And it occurs to me it's possibly too late now. Ah well, such is life. I'm sure eventually I'll adapt.

Mum moved out of home when she was sixteen. I'm not sure when dad left exactly, although his family culture is quite a bit diferent to mums. I dont' think much about that - When I have to move out, I will do so. But when it happens I don't plan to move back.

As you can see, I haven't given this a whole lot of thought.

I recieved two letters yesterday. One was from one of the uni's I'd applied for, since one of my choices was technology based. They're having a talk, and I will have to go and confirm my presence in short order. I look forwards to meething the competition, especially given that I wish to get into some 3D animation and effects, all that blah. A nice job with no future, you could say. Or, possibly, no job.

I've always figured that, if al else fails, I'll work in a government department. There's a good chance I'll get shot there.

The second letter came from Rie, whi is currently doing her exams. I'd say her problem is much the same, except she doesn't really have anything specific she wants to do. Which is another reminder of the inherent sameness of many people. Teens in Japan are the same as Teens in Australia with slight cultural variations. Too bad no one else can see the similarities but me and my father.

I've noticed that many of my characters are total daddy's girls. Insofar as one can be when your father is dead in many cases. When writing Angel, her relationship with her father was important. When writing Akai, I conciously made her relationship with her mother more important as it was the more chaotic, but she thought of her father like some sort of god. He was perfect (which he wasn't, of course) and her mother was the devil incarnate (Which she wasn't, she was just a weak character). With Angel, her father was someone she hated but, in the end, someone she lived for. It was because of him she embraced the nick-name and decided that she couldn't be a little girl any more. It was also because of him her life was pretty screwed up, but I won't go into that here. The thing was it wasn't that her mother was weaker like in Akai's case, it was that she had no respect for her. I guess I tend to esplore that a ot in my characters. Maybe if I write again I'll do so more. I like exploring the themes of family.

"Where there's a will, there's a relative."
~Anon
- posted by Washi @ 11:01 am 0 comments

 
The following post was written on the 21st, just as my modem burnt out. Please pretend that's what the date says.

Diamonds on the Souls of her Shoes.

A day has passed. The speach night and formal have both occured. I will now relate, as best I can, the events governing these two issues.

Firstly, the speach night. It was more entertaining then last years, likely because I zoned out somewhere in the middle and got to move around a lot more. TRy to stay with me as I chronicle this though- In the after math, it's hard to convey how happy I actually was for a short time there.

I went up and got my school records. Easy enough. I watched dances. fun, if nothing else. The rock band played. The lead guitarist rocked. I got cought in a sway, which is a little like getting caught in a mexican wave except you can't just stay seated, because a sway in a mob enforced activity. Wasn't half bad.

Then there were the awards. Some of the awards went to people who, I felt, really deserved to get something simply because they were either nice people or people who wern't nice but wern't pretencious and up themselves. I doubt many people would have thought such about me however.
All in all, I won four awards. One for English, one for Visual art, and one for Physics in the 'top of the class' department, and the Don Dunstren award for the arts in the 'visual arts' category. I didn't win the information processing but I suppose that's not really a surprise since by and large my attitude to that class was that it was either below me or beyond me. I need things very clearly explained. I had no hope in hell of getting maths.

So what did this get me, apart from a lot of exercise and the surprised look on the face of the person handing out the awards? $100 and a $50 art supplies voucher ^_^ $100 because it turns out that the physics prize comes with $50, twice as much as the others. Which I've cashed in and used, by and large, to pay off my mother. I was asked by soe why I wasn't made 'Dux of the school' when I won as many awards as the actual dux, with her Dux award included. The answer was simple. My english class is a class of about 10, while my art class is a class of 8 or so when people bother to turn up. It's not hard to be the best in a class of 8 - I got a B for Engligh in fact, and a B for PIP. Therefore, I didn't condtend for Dux, which usually involves a strait A student. It's the mechanics of the event.

So, all things concidered, I should have been proud of myself or something, yes?

I would have, but I had a dampener on my night which tainted the following night as well and, despite all practicality, taints my mood now. I don't like being hated. Dispite all my sense of self, I will often find myself trying to change who I am just so I don't become hated, which disgusts me. I dumbed down my speach so that people could understand me, in some vague hope that this would somehow allow people to like me better. Which is probably accurate, as I wouldn't make people feel stupid any more. In recent times I feel like I'm a Communist in Nazi Germany. I have to be so careful with what I do, prevent the wrong information from getting into the wrong hands... But there's no way to hide it when you're up on a frikkin stage in front of everyone. The truth is, I am hated. Not because I'm a bad person, as I would normally expect, but because of what's good about me. I'm hated because I'm thin, because I do the work, because I'm good at what I do and work hard to be good at it. And I'm hated for all that by a friend.
Ledi wanted the art award. She didn't turn up to school for most of the second semester because she was depressed and instead she stayed home and played video games. Yet she still thought she would win it. But then I won it, and she ducked away and I didn't talk to me untill much later that night, at which time she proceded to tell me how much she hated me and everything about me. She's made me promise not to do things because she wants to be better then me. She doesn't even admire or even respect me - She hates and envy's me. And I hate that she won't just let me be me, and perhaps be happy for me. I mean, if someone wins something and you win nothing it hurts a little, even if it is someone you know. But you can usually congratulate them and at least be happy that it was someone you know rather then someone you hate. But I guess if I get something she DOES hate me, and she can't let me be happy about it. I then had to listen to her repeatedly say 'If I had showed up, I would have one the award'. Which I don't doubt, as in her desperate seeking of praise she frequently runs through why she's the best, and most people are impressed by that. That's the basis of the Resume after all. And she is good- She is the better 'Artist' if you will. But I do the hours and the work. And that's what those pieces of paper said, more or less. But you can't expect to get something if you don't turn up.
On the day of the formal she announced that she wanted to have another circle gathering. I have a feeling that it is because she wants to yell at me some more. She wants my mother to give her encouragement, which I have to remember to talk to her about.
The thing is, I don't think I'm happy with my circle of friends. I have nothing in common with my best friend short of history, and when we're together we spend most of our time not talking. That and I'm a little uneasy with reguards to her boyfriend... I might have discussed that earler. My other friend hates me, and I'm too tired to be around the final member of the circle, who will at least never envy me for any reason and is thereby almost the best of the lot.

A part of this desire for praise is also a desire to criticise as a form of self vindication, which I am taking as a character building activity. And she wonders why I'm avoidng spending a lot of time with her...

In any case, we moved on to the formal and we danced and ate and it was rather fun when Ledi wasn't talking about me or... well, too me in many cases. We assessed what everyone was wearing, deciding that some people looked good and some people had picked clothes for their personality rather then their body. Which wasn't always a bad thing, as one person showed by wearnig a tartain tux with tails, waistcoat and top-hat. He looked pretty spiffy to me.
We saw the 'Year 12 Memorial Video', which had the most ammusing scene in which Nikk walked towards the camera (Bedecked in casual clothes, school bag and sunnies as he was almost always at school, none of which are technically allowd) while 'bad to the bone' played in the background. Most people were ammused by that. My big scene was me saying that Elephants layed eggs, in reguards to the tape ball.

Ah yes- The constant at both functions was the Tape Ball. What was te Tape Ball? Well, it was a large ball of sticky tape. Mostly sticky tape. Over the course of the year, diferent types of tape - from duct tape to the clear plastic stuff, had been wrapped around it to form the current Tape Ball, which is larger then a basketball. Larger then most balls you use to play sports. There are Freddo and Caramello Coala wrappers in there somewhere as well. It made an appearence at the Speach night before being confenscated by teachers who recognised it in a vague way. And some who, having lost tape to it or having had it rolled around their rooms, were not so vague about it. Most of the grade was asked to sign it. It wasn't physically present at the formal, but it had a whole section of the year 12 video dedicated to it.

Jimmy Barnes V John Lennon? They bringin' out the big guns now...

In any case, apart from loosing a lot of ice-cream and subjecting myelf to my immediate frinds, the night was good. I sometimes wonder why some people are so against the Formal. I've often said that it is the only chance I will probably ever have to be beautiful, so why would I turn that down? i will certainly never see many of these peole again, probably never talk to them, and It is somewhat nicer to remember them as neat and almost upper-crust type people rather then the mongrels many of us are. It makes me feel like my social station is higher then it actually is. And I will now have photos of the people I went to school with looking their best, which is a plus in itself. And being popular has nothing to do with anything - Three of the 'less popular' girls were not only the first ones up and dancing but the first ones who had clearly decided to have fun, rather then go out on the balcony and have a smoke. Which I suppose some people may concider fun, but it doesn't have the vicarious energy flow of actually mving about and being animated.

Enough of this.

"Why can't I be somebody else?
Somebody who isn't too cool to believe it's okay to be just me"

- posted by Washi @ 10:52 am 0 comments

 
Maxine, You're not the only one.

Tonight is the Speach night. And we'll all get to listen to speaches and watch dancers. My grandparents will be there, which is sort of nice. I don't know wether I'm the first person in the family to graduate or not, come to think of it. At least, of this generation, since graduating wasn't necesarry in the older generation. I will be the first to go to Uni, since the only ones older then me have either gotten preggers or gotten an aprenticeship in the hospitality industry. I think my older cousin made it the whole thirteen years...

A bit of pointless speculation there for you. Last night I was thinking about year 7, the end of which marking the last time anything drastically changed in my life. I don't concider moving house a drastic change, since I never change schools anyway. And I got to thinking about certain events of that year that stand out in my mind, little things we did. Nostalgia is a wonderful thing hey?

I remember that, in my tiny class of year 6/7, The girls had carefully divided themselves into two groups. Those four and the rest of us, about six of us I think. Hes, in my endire class of year sixes and ALL the year sevens, there were ten girls. About half of them were year 7's. In any case, we had a sort of name-calling system worked out. They were Coulobs (or Wogs if we wern't feeling creative. Italians in other words.) and we were Skips (I.e, White trash Australian girls). Which was fairly accurate, despite the fact that at least one of those skips was a Nyuen. I'd rather like to find out how she's going come to think of it... In any case, I remember that back then the 'student representative council' ::Shudder:: was elected by the class. In other words, the class picked the two people they thought would be best (A boy and a girl, usually the smart one since the popular ones told oall their friends not to pick them.) and they then had to be on the council unless they really, REALLY didn't want to be and argued effectively against it. Usually just 'but I'll miss work' is enough. This particular yer, however, the votes were rigged. Y'see, I recieved an almost unanimous vote for me to be on the council (Almost because I didn't vote for me, and more then likely the boy I'm about to mention didn't vote for me). Which wouldn't seem so suspicious if there hadn't also been an almost unanimous vote for a boy named Nicholas. In fact, the only people who didn't write my name and his on the ballot were the other Skips (Most of whom wrote my name down anyway, because I was 'the smart one'), and I think one or two of them might have as well... Which had him nearly in tears. Remembering that this is year seven, making him 12/13 and probably already dating given his character. I was a bit miffed. I mean, no I'm not the most popular person in the world, but he couldn't stand to see his name written next to mine? I figured the girls in the Coloub camp were teasing him and had gotten the rest of the class in on it. It's one thing to be teased, it's another to be the instrument of a teasing. I'm not sure that the latter is necesarrily worse, but it has much the same effect on your self esteem.

Long story short, he argued his way out of service and was replaced by the guy I had, earlier that year, decided was my arc rival. I wasn't particularly aggressive rivalry, and was mostly on my side. Y'see, at the end of the year there were three awards, which were awarded to three of the year sevens. One was for sport, one was for music, and one was for accademics. Sport and Music were giveaways- Everyone already knew who'd get them. I decided to try for academics (And the prize money that came with it, of course), and immediately assesed who my biggest threat would be. I decided it was him.

On a side note, he did actually win that award.

Which brings me back to tonight, and the English award. I wonder if it comes with money? In any case, it should be interesting. I know quite a few of the award winners (And don't think being square is involved in any way, because most of these people are far from. I know some people think that, but I think just completeing year 12 is all you need to be in the runing.) And then, it's over. There's the formal, and them my friends all do their extra year of SACE2 while I go on to either uni or a dead-end job, depending on my score. Although I'm sure a dead-end job awaits me in any case.
I sometimes wonder what happened to all these people. Most of them went of to private schools, and only about one of them went to the same shcool as me, and he left ages ago. It seems so strange to me that many of the people in the school I go to now went to the same primary school. One much larger then mine obviously- You could fit my whole school on the oval of Zoe's school. And coming from a graduating class of fifteen to be one of a hundred or so is more then just a little odd. Such changes ad interest though, and more people means that the groups can be more defined. I doesnt' have to be 'If you're italian you're with them, if you're not you're with them'. It's now 'if you're this sort of person, you're with them. If you're this other sort, you're with them. If you're friends wit this person, hang with them'. And from there it moved on to 'If you need a place to sit and you dont't look down on us, you're with us'. Unless you were one of the people doing the looking down, in which case you're usually still pretty clicky.

A friends mother said that if 'you girls' (Me, ledi and Zoe) liked someone, they were probably good people somehwere. I asked if that was because we were really picky, and she explained that it was just because we wern't snobs. That's nice to be told, although I always thought I was a bit of a snob sometimes. Call it private school syndrome.

Sorry to bore you.

"It's the 'Cape Barren Goose' ya goose!!"
~Me shouting at the guy on 'Who Wants to be a Millionair'. Raise your hand if you've done this.
- posted by Washi @ 12:15 pm 0 comments

 


You are a werewolf.

What legend are you?. Take the Legendary Being Quiz by Paradox

Or, if I decide I'd be a puppy rather then a wolf or an eagle...



You are a muse.

What legend are you?. Take the Legendary Being Quiz by Paradox

I should make an am-muse-ing pun here or something. I won't.
- posted by Washi @ 3:28 pm 0 comments