Death of a Glo-stik

My last post, in which I cafully apologised for bitching about my friends, has vanished. So I will do so again. I am very sorry for venting, and will attempt to refrain from doing so in future. I understand that I am very lucky to have friends at all.

It's after Skyshow. If you couldn't gather from my last post, Skyshow is an anual fireworks display held on Australia day by oneof the local radio stations. It's 30 minutes of fireworks syncronised to a mix of some recent popular songs, as well as a few classics. Eminem and Kylie featured largely. But they did have the B52's 'Rock Lobster' which is one of my favorite songs ^_^. It's just a fun song. I guess I can't be all rock.

I love doccumentaries about the way bands made records. SBS has been running a series recently called 'Clasic Albums'. They did one on Elton John's 'Goodbye Yellow Brick Road', and last weeks was Deep Purple's 'Machine Head' (Which many of you will know contained the most famous Deep Purple track of all time, 'Smoke On The Water', although it also had some other great songs.). It;s come to my attention that writing a song, more or less, starts with a musical idea. In Elton John's case he get's a set of lyrics and sits down and writes a song. Which just sounds pretty amasing to me- I suppose it's as valid a place as any to start, since the lyrics know how they want to be sung more often then not. Songs where the lyrics and music fits well often follow the flow of natural spach in the note patterns. But I know, for a simple fact, that I could not write a son if I was just given a set of lyrics. I could try- I might get a top line, and if I was lucky I would get a base line, but the song would be a lyrical song and would have no musicality, no hook, no depth. The Deep purple method really interested me- It seemed that the way they wrote was to come up with a musical idea. A guitar rift usually, but sometimes a small piece on the keyboard or a base line. They then worked around that. This striks me as a more organic way of making a song, as it has a musical strength to it that renders lyrics more a seccondary instrument. But that's just the way my tastes run.
Listening to other songs, you can sometimes here where a musical idea has been carried though. I'm listening to one right now, although it's a Weiss Kreus song so I won't bother naming it.

Just felt like sharing that.

I've been reading through UggaBugga for a while It's nice to know Australia is a part of Europe. I got to discuss this with Zoe at Skyshow today (There's a walk against War on the 16th. I'm thinking of attending). She commented that they were only really in the war because England were in the war. I think that may be an oversimplification- England are still our more relyable 'allies', but I tihnk the real aim is to have America as allies as, let's face it, they are the current world power. she also mentioned that she had heard that we owed them for bailing us out of WWII. Remember, she's anti war too. It remindde me of a rumour I had heard.
The english were probably quite aware that WWII was not going in their favour. At least, when they were honnest with themselves and did not believe with all the impunity of the mid-century English mindset that they were invincible (Much like the American mindset that they were untouchable). I saw a docco once that put forwards a rumour (No more then a rumour I'll be willing to bet) that the English inteligence service had prior warning that the Japanese may lauch an attack on Pearl Harbour. And did not pre-warn America about it.
Why? The theory stated that, if America was actually attacked, the people would fully support America being inserted into the war on the side of the Allies (I.e, ours), allowing them to freely participate and, with luck, swing the war that way. Think of the way America reacted after Sep 11, and imagine there was an official war declared at the time. There you go, a little fodder for thought.

Before you all tell me, yes I'm sure Iraq is a threat. Do you know why? I'll give you a hint- Power plays. Politics is a sticky, messy business. Much like a quick jerk in the toilets, and something you advertise about as much. China protects their interests, America protects theirs, Russia theres... every coultry able to works towards it's own advantage. It's yicky, but it keeps them occupied. Such is humanity, yes my puppies?

Enough about politics. I dislike them.

I have a glo-stick. I got it at Skyshow. It's green. And it's quite impressive- It can provide enough light to navigate my house by, even find missing objects. I love glo-sticks. I'm easily fascinated, especially by the lights. My only excuse is that I am a very simple mind, and I like simple things. Or I have a mind complicated enough to apreciate the complexities in simple things, which ammounts to much the same thing in the end, yes?

It's very late- My thought process can best be described as erratic. I shold be asleep,, but I have a general desire to finish something, as well as this post.

Zoe commented that we'd suddenly grown up a lot- she'd just noticed it. I looked around and realised she was right. We'd chosen to eat dinner at The Squatters Arms, which is the pub we were set up outside of. I looked down at my pub meal, across at my beer... and was forced to agree. Not so long ago we would have ducked down to Dagwoods for a hotdog for tea, maybe with some lemonade if we had the money. Instead we were sitting at the back of a nice, clean establishment serving good food and talking. Eating is an extremly social occasion for humans. That is one of the first things they taught us in Home Ecconomics. It struck me as strange though - I didn't feel any diferent, I was just acting that way. I rather enjoyed it. I may have to mark this date- This is the date I stopped being a teenager and became a young adult. Which doesn't make me a woman or, in any way shape or form, a responsible person. I'm still just a girl.

Doesn't it, like, totally blow your mind that word is a word? Or that Nick is, like, a Nickname? I mean, like... Dude!

Okay, I'm glad I got that out of my system... Stay with me here, the ride's nearly over.

Scanner still broken. I miss it. I am made very sad. Watch me cry ,-_-, ,~_~, Alright, that's enough of that.

It raiend today. Yesterday it was 44.1 degrees celcius. That's very warm. I understand it gets up to 50 in other places, but that was more then I was used to. I flattened entirely. Like a wilted plant in a pot. Like our poor little suculents. Even they have some trouble. Our Aloe Vera plant is drying out and crying for us to save it. My chest hurts -_- I've had trouble breathing lately. Damn my tiny lungs. I need to do some exercises to improve that.

I have a strong desire to sing. I think it stems from a need to sleep. Let's indulge the need rather then the desire.

It's so hard to think. I need more practice.

"A touch of unhappy childhood, a dash of teenage rebellion, and last but not least, a tragic death in the family."
~Shreber, Dark City

- posted by Washi @ 12:48 am 0 comments

 
Cool down papa

How the fuck can my scanner not be working? My printer works, and it's flippin' paralell ported with my scanner. Hell, it's my scanner that's actually plugged into the computer and the power port, my printer is just plugged into the scanner. How the fuck is it then that my computer can find the printer but not the scanner? What is wrong with his picture?

And what's worse is that now I have to listen to mum bitch. She just doesn't get that I don't KNOW why the mouse stops working or why I can't connect to the internet or why, in this case, the printer can't find the scanner. This happened to my old scanner, it's why I got the new one. But I can't afford a new scanner now, so I really need THIS scanner to bloody straighten up and fly right.

Yes, I'm pissed. So much for my big update for Australia day. It's shaping up to be pretty crappy in any case, since I keep being asked to bloody DO things. I've spent so little time at home actually working- Doing my commision (Complete with badgering from mother), working on my comic, doing images to update site with- Plus I have Uni grants I have to aply for TODAY. Yes, so I'm totally self centered. My friends are the ones who are depressed, they should get together and be depressed as a unit. Then they can bitch about what sucks in their life, while the other person goes 'Yes. mm-hmm. That's exactly right. Exactly. Mm-hmm.' Without my help. It only makes them hate me more in any case, because I have no sympathy for them half the time. I don't know why I stay with them- probably because I have no one else, and it's better to be slowly driven to the brink of frustration then to become the reclusive loner again. Although I often find myself thinking perhaps that was the better place to be.

Another reason I don't date.

Bitching asside, sky show is coming up for Australia day. I'm looking forwards to it- we go every year. I'm going with my mum, and if my friends want to turn up that's enturely up to them. That nasty worm inside me almost hopes that they don't. But they all head back to school the week after, so I"m going to have a lot of me time after that, since Uni doesn't start until the end of Feb. Did I mention that I got accepted into my course? I'll be doing Computer and Information sciences- Multimedia Studies. With luck, I'll enjoy it. The Uni's seem almost obsessive about geting as many people settled in and used to Uni as possible. Good for them. It seems to have been a while since I actually updated ya'all about my life- I've been very abstract lately.

Tonight I will be heading up to Australian Game Wizards in the attempt to re-open the roleplay group. Much to my mothers disgust- She doesn't seem to know when to back off and let me be frustrated in peace. It takes all of my restraint not to snap at her, although admittedly my restraint hasn't proven itself to be sizeable. Matt can't come. I'm bumbed about that -_- Look at my sad face here. I also have to take the bus to the Uni campuses to make sure that I actually can. Dance and be merry. What else... I can't seem to MSN Dani. I'm sad about that. I wanted to say Hi.

Hi Dani!

It's going to be very very hot. El Nino and all that. U0.oU

Anyway, I'm looking forwards to he chance to get a lot of stuff done, provided I can draw. I couldn't last night, and I was almost ready to strangle something. Thankfully, everyone else had already gone to bed.
I hope I don't snap tonight. It'll be hard to get home.

It might be the heat. It's upset my chemical balance. It's put me off of all food and made me tired, which is in turn making me lose weight. And before you start bitching at me, I don't fucken NEED to loose weight. I'm supposed to be 55 kg in any case, which is about as low as I'm willing to go. The closer I get to 50 kg, the closer get to a dangerous weight. I droped down to 52 kg, had to eat some chocolate to calm my nerves and, with luck, bring it up. Now I'm just avoiding the scales - I'm becoming paranoid about my weight. And food sucks- nothing tastes good any more. Except for Potato stuff, they almost always taste good. Except when they're wedges that are cooked for health rather then taste, because they're still bad.

Okay, I think that's enough of my paranoid self-centeredness, agreed?

"Can we drop your ego for a moment? This is important."
"If there's anything more important than my ego around, I want it caught and shot now."
~Douglas Adams, The Hitch hikers Guide to the Galaxy

- posted by Washi @ 11:36 am 0 comments

 

What is your Inner Spirit Totem Animal?
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The Falcon Youare protected by the spirit of the Falcon; he sees qualities in you the reflect his own such as your true belief in freedom and beauty above all else. Your spirit soars above the clouds and feels at one with nature. Your quote: "Be who you are: not who they think you are"

Did anyone else notice that only one of those is a falcon?


What Kind of Were-Animal Are You?
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I was hoping for something like that (That being not a werewolf or a Werecat, although a Wererat sounds rather me Un.nU)


Check here
Which beat :

By only one point. I would have thought myself somewhere in between- Self efacing and self-centered, but a doormat and a harmonizer. Probably am more of a type 9. I'm much cooler and more distant then that would indicate though. I'm an emorional retard ::rolls eyes:: And look, I'm likely to become addicted to... Over-eating or under-eating due to lack of self-awareness and repressed anger. Lack of physical activity. Depressants and psychotropics, alcohol, marijuana, narcotics to deaden loneliness and anxiety. Sounds right to me.


What's your inner animal?
brought to you by Quizilla
Well duh, but I was a little surprised I got that. Especially given I could have been a fish.

"Dealer bust. Looks like you all win again!"
~The simpsons.
- posted by Washi @ 6:44 pm 0 comments

 
The Angel of Ice Cometh

Two things this Blog. The first is humourus, the second is just sad.

Imagine this. You're sitting on the toilet. Don't leave yet, this is actually going somewhere. You're looking at the ground, pulling up your pants, reading a magazine... whatever, I'm not fussed, as long as you're looking down. Next thing you know, something very solid clobers you in the back of the head, bounces and shatters against the door. The house goes silent, as your brother and his best mate pause their game of hockey and try to work out what just broke. And all you can say?
"Don't come in yet..."

This happened to me. The glass fixing around the light in the toilet came loose. It just happened to do so while I was in there. Luckilly it turned when it fell, so I only got smacked in the head with the rounded edge rather then the sharp bits at either end. In then went on to bounce and shatter against the ground near the door, which was a fair distance away from me thanks to our excessively large dunny room, sending bad seventies glass shards flying all over the place. Thankfully, few flew far enough to reach my feet. Rather lucky, all things concidered, since if it had landed in the middle of the room, where it would have landed had my head not been in the way, it would have sent shards of broken glass flying at my legs. Needless to say, I had a headache for the rest of the day. Mother will be pleased to know she can now say, with authority, that the house is falling apart around us. I'll tell her when she gets back.

Dad and Jennifer stopped around yesterday on their way to dinner and a movie. That was nice ^_^!

Now, onto the mandatory sad and pathetic part of my post. This was bought on by a fairly innocent comment. Well, allright... two fairly innocet comments. The first was Zoe enquiring about my love-life. I was, of course, forced to point out it's non-existence. The seccond occured when we went to see a movie. Me, Zoe and her boyfriend decided to go see a movie, after which Todd commented that I needed a boyfriend, so I wouldn't have to be the third wheel. Concidering I didn't actually feel all that much like a third wheel, I wasn't terribly fussed.

But it got me thinking. I certainly don't plan to go out stalking men trying to snag one, since that's not only agianst my character it's totally against my sense of style. Fact of the matter is, I'm abjectly terrified of most of the male population. Don't ask why, I honnestly don't know. I don't think I've ever been abused or anything like that which would give me a reason, I just am. I'm scared of most things- Getting to sleep these days is a matter of distracting my mind from whatever terror it decides to imagine up but not getting it so involved that I can't get to sleep. It's gotten to the stage where I'm becoming thoroughly pathetic. Which means that I'm likely to become the sort of person who will sleep with anyone just so she doesn't have to sleep alone. But will probably be too scared to pic up random guys -_-;
Spot the dilemor anyone?

And no, I'm not a lesbian. If I was, all these problems would be solved and I could commence being abused by women rather then men. I'm just timmid.

And now you see why I remain single and the reasons I remain that way. I don't want to end up with someone just so I'm not scared, or just to try to overcome being scared.

Which isn't to say I won't date someone if they ask me. Apart from havnig dificulty saying no to people when they do something like that, or in general for that matter, if they're willing to put themselves through hell, so am I.

Alright, end pathetic whimpering. Bai bai!

"Now go have fun and kill people."
~Quads!
- posted by Washi @ 2:29 pm 0 comments

 
Don't try to Explain.

I am a wet blanket. That must be it, I can think of no other explanation.

I dislike hearing people bitch about other people. Even if I agree with what they're saying, such as occured a few nights ago, I still feel a little queezy hearing it, and probably a little worse for agreeing. It's a tamer example of social climbing, most often evident in women, in which it is the natural method of status-arrival. By pointing out the faults of those around you, you raise your own status. I think it might be the same impulse that causes bullying.

Sometimes you just have to admit that you agree. Other times, you just have to say something. I've only ever just had to say something once, at which point I shouted out 'Jezuz Christ you're being bitchy today' to pretty much everyone else there that day. Other times I've seriously felt like saying that. If i don't know the persi it's easier, but If I've met them and have not directly been harmed by them, it's not so easy. Even if I HAVE directly been harmed by them, I still dont' like it a whole lot- My clearest memory of Amanda is being slaped by her before having some sort of wig-out session, and I don't like hearing bad about HER. Wether it's true or not is entirely beside the point.

I think her parents were responsable for me being taken to a councilor. I've probably mentioned that before, so I will leave that there.

The problem is, I have to know someone really well to hate them. Like myself, and occasionally some of my friends. And bitching is a symtom of hatred and fear. ?It just makes me ill, and it's hard for me to articulate that. Not that I'm not guilty of that myself- I think everyone is in some way. I don't like it much when I do it either.

Not so bitter hey? It might be the warmth. Or that I spent all my pent-up rage today by anticipating a favorite television show (Apparently it's theraputic. Unless the TV show isn't ACTUALLY on, in which case it ain't. Fer Chrissake, if you say you're gonna put farscape on, try putting farscape on instead of some wierdo movie.)

Stuff that. I think I'll go hug my dog.


"'You perceive, now, that these things are all impossible except in a dream. You perceive that they are pure and puerile insanities, the silly creations of an imagination that is not conscious of its freaks -- in a word, that they are a dream, and you are the maker of it. The dream-marks are all present; you should have recognized them earlier.
'It is true, that which I have revealed to you; there is no God, no universe, no human race, no earthly life, no heaven, no hell. It is all a dream -- a grotesque and foolish dream. Nothing exists but you. And you are but a thought -- a vagrant thought, a useless thought, a homeless thought, wandering forlorn among the empty eternities!'
He vanished, and left me appalled; for I know, and realized, that all he had said was true."
~"The Mysterious Stranger"

- posted by Washi @ 11:40 am 0 comments

 
We'll taste the cup of kindness yet...

Well, Probably not, but isn't it nice to dream?

I think I just accidentally pasted a cheats code into this... ::Ahem::

Welcome ladies, getlemen and various rodents, to the year 2003. The newsmen tell me that the catch-cry of this years new years celebrations were prayers of peace. Except where I was, where the cry was 'What the hell happened to all that summer? and why is it raining HERE? We don't need rain!' Which is true, concrete doesn't absob rain so good. They need rain north of us. And west of us, over the gulf. And pretty much everywhere else in the country except perhaps north Australia, since it's still dry as a bone out there.

That asside, back to the peace. The cynic in me believes we're going to get about as much peace as a cat in a dog pen. Peace goes against the grain of human nature. We have a genetic pre-disposition to traits that would have served us well in the days of small clans of nomadic monkeys- An aggression towards any other monkey coming onto our lands and towards each other in an effort to become top monkey and be the one to continue your genetic lineage. Such traits are still dominant in us- They don't go away simply because they lack relevance in the society we have created for ourselves.

Or do they? I'm not going to get into the discussion of the evolutionarry freeze or the selfish Y chromasome (Not men, I mean the actual chromasome), but oyu can't break human nature. Maybe on an individual level yes- Some individuals are extermyl smart and can work their way around it, understand what is driving them and then combat it as they have had previously dictated to them by whatever doctorine. Modern religions work on a mass basis- Many people, without thniking, curb their natural instinct to bitch-slap their way to the top of the pecking order and instead either use more subtle methods of status items, money, or by being exessively good-willed to show-up others who follow the same doctorine. This way, they don't have to think about their nature or understand it, they have a specific ideal that alows them to beat themselves into submission and, with luck, cause themselves to conform to the social standars which were enfoced to compensate for the current living arrangements. Which were in no way the arangements we evolved (Or were created, if you so desire to take a religious view of the whole situation) to cope with. We were ment to live in small groups, but as our groups become larger a code must be enforced to prevent us from killing each other. This is a moral code.

The problem with a moral code is that it sometimes enforces uneccesarry or destructive behavior. In the eyes of other moral codes, that is. This leads to fights as people try desperately to preserve their own moral code by rendering it worthless in the hoeps that they can either destroy their oponants code or sway them to their own. Which never works, probably never will, and is one of those annoying glitches of the human psyche that makes me want to go around gouging out the frontal lobes of passers-buy with a spoon.

Fighting is human nature, war is their natural state of being. But on the scale we have created, they are dangerous to ourselves mentally as much as physically. It makes me angry t think of the pointlesness and the waste of life, that people will rush of to slaughter each other and nothing willl change. Not really - The sun will still rise, people will still try to make their living, and one or another nesw power may rise. But, alas, I am human. And with this unfortunant condition comes the mad desire to protect my lands and way of life. As it stands right now, I don't feel they are threatened so I have no great desire to act out in their defence. But they are always threatened, always will be threatened and will always change. And there's not a damn thing anyone can do about it, because that's just the way things are. You want to change it, you go ahead. They will call you anti-revolutionarry. They will say you stand in the way of progress. And you will be- That's what people do these days. They evolve their landscapes and living bases to compensate for the fact that they can no longer evolve themselves.

And, if you don't mind, I'm going to try to avoid bitching about monothesist religions

It almost semes a shame we were alowd to be brought into existence. But where here now, and I guess we're stuch with each other. I just hope we don't fuck every other living creature on the planet over in our quest to make ourselves superior and, in doing so, destroying all creatures around us. At leas I hold some hope of this, however unlikely this may be.

Again, it would go against our nature. And no matter how hard you try, you can't expect one species to act completely against their nature all at once. A small group of people may be able to change the world, but they do it by redirecting a part of our nature into another avenue. And how long can that last before it returns itself to it's natural direction? Our minds are so simple, so suseptable to believing what were told as they try desperately not to think that it is dificult to change. People will believe anything if it means they don't have to change. It doesn't make me angry I guess, just a little frustrated. I really despise being human, but I can't change that. Nor can I change my instinctual drive. Even this rebeling, the condemning of war and the nature of my species is only another aspect of human nature- Self preservation and the desire to rebel. Acompanied, of coruse, by the need to believe that someone else would do the same to us. Because if they do, we could survive where, naturally, we would be cleansed from the genetic pool.

::shrug:: Maybe it could to with a good clean, who knows? I just don't want to be one of the ones culled.

Later, I will discuss the small-scale implications of human nature. It might be easier for you all to comprehend, although I'm sure it will probably sound twice as bitter.

"I have no color prejudices nor caste prejudices nor creed prejudices. All I care to know is that a man is a human being, and that is enough for me; he can't be any worse."
~Mark Twain

- posted by Washi @ 1:20 pm 0 comments