I should have gone to the Art gallery with my Dad today. I probably would have had more fun, and I think he's upset that I didn't.

Y'see, Dad wanted to take me to the Art Gallery on Saturday. But on saturdays, I go over to a friends place to Roleplay. So I told Dad we could go on Sunday. Besides, I wanted to get tips on how to get the virus off my system. But I get to my friends place and, about midday to two I find out that my other friends car has broken down, so they can't make it. They want me to go up on Sunday. I say 'Yeah... okay then.' or words to that effect. But then Dad reminds me that I said he could take me to the art gallery. And I don't have the guts to tell my friends 'No, sorry, I'd rather go out with my Dad'. It's not like I get to do much with my Dad. So, Early this morning a friend comes around to take me to her place, and I'm absolutely tired from having trouble sleeping the night before. Eventually, we start roleplaying intermitten with some of my friends arguing with each other. For a while anyway. Then they start playing Diablo II online. And I look around me, realise how much of a stupid bitch I really am and go curl up in a corner to read my English novel. What kind of idiot am I that I turn down the chance to actually do something ::gasp:: Cultural with my Father and go to feel sickened and unimportant with people I'm having trouble liking at the moment? I hate more people right now then I usually do for some reason. I usually despise most people but make an effort to at least like my friends. I must have been extreemly pissed off at myself today, because I'm having trouble thinking of people I like right now. It's nothing agaist them of course, or you or anyone, it's just that when I start despising myself, I start to hate everyone else too.
That's three times I've let my father down this weekend. He's been trying hard recently to be a 'good father' to us, trying to reward us for getting good grades (Although mine were lousy anyway) and do things with us. But I didn't stay with the family and the Port Power club after dinner and I couldn't even make time to go to the Art gallery with him. Makes me feel really horrible too. But it's too late now really. School starts tomorow, and I spend next weekend at my mothers. The weekend after is mothers day, so we're going up to see nanna. It can't be nice, thinking your daughter has no time for you.

Enough of this self-pittying tripe. If I let myself be manipulated, demeaned and/or guilt-tripped, then I only have myself to blame. I wonder what happened- I used to be so smart and distant. I should kick Lauren in the shins next time I see her.

"The great end of life is not knowledge but action."
~Thomas H. Huxley
- posted by Washi @ 6:49 pm