Feel the burn baby.

I have been charged with a stance which, while not entirely healthy, is certainly something I'm best for. I have been charged to keep silent. And this is perhaps the only place I break that charge, in the hopes of perhaps passing what little wisdom I have to what little readers I have. I am not the path to enlightenemnt, but perhaps I'll be allowd to be a step along the way? Perhaps I'm a pavement on the road to hell, who knows.

A while back I talked about a talk I had to do for english. There were a few things I didn't get to say, and one of them was who I actually believed in. Well, for you only, I will answer that question. It's me.
Don't get me wrong, I still quietly despise me. But that's only because I know me. And that doesn't mean I'm all I've got, or that I'm stuck with me. So why not? Why make up figures of worship and blame? I am the only person I can really blame -Even while I blame someone else, I know that I am to blame. It's my life, and I am responsable for it after all. Wether this will stand me in the real world is yet to be tested.
I am not a nice person. I know this. I imagine when people talk behind my back, they talk about me as selfish, mean, distant, cold, airheadded, stupid, probably a whole lot more I can't think of right now... Exessive, aggressive, self-centered, wierd... Alright, yadda yadda. And if they don't, well... They probably don't know me very well. And I don't really mind thinking that they do. I perfer they say it behind my back then say it to my face. Then there's no doubt, and it's sometimes hard to make a come-back to that. But then again, I know I'm all these things. That is who I am. I can't weed out my bad traits and keep only the good ones, I'd have nothing left. No one has the right to change who I am. If they want to do that, they can do it in their own heads. The funny thing about that is people rarely make people better in their own minds. They feel better if other people seem worse then they are. Even better if they can convince other people of the same thing. And yes, maybe there are some people who clash with people around them because they either enjoy it or don't realise that other people think that way about them. I may very well be one of them - I'm starting to believe it. But I'm u8nder the impression that some people actually waste their energy on hating them, and going out of their way to be mean to them. I can't even comprehend this - If you don't like them, what makes you think this will help? Does ormenting someone else make them feel better baout themselves? Do they feel somehow more powerful for torture? It's an odd quirk in humanity. I can think of only a few people I disliked enough to say I may have hated them, but if I did I'm really not sure it would quallify, because I wasn't narky to them and I didn't go out of my way to hurt them. The whole thing seems terribly pathetic to me, and a waste of good energy. Hatred isn't even anger - I get angry, and I shout and rant and hit things, and then I usually cry. I've never started crying because I hated someone so much. At least, I'm pretty sure that was anger and not hate. I'm the only person I really hate, and I certainly dont' go out of my way to hurt me. Usually that happens when I'm in the way.
Unless making me watch horror movies counts. I swear, I must delight in the sick, scared and uncertain feeling I get from half the shows I watch. I'm an idiot, I know.

But what's this got to do with the price of tea in china? That depends.

Until my next scrawling of tweaked wisdom, dance and/or sing. Who cares if you're 'good' or not, just go out and do it. You only have a short time, and then you're dead. You want to miss out on that feeling? Unless you believe in some sort of aftrlife, and then they'll probably dance and sing all the time.

Singing off from Eden.

I am a passenger on the spaceship Earth.
- R. Buckminster Fuller

- posted by Washi @ 4:29 pm