Firstly a correction. Remember that murder that should happen in a church? There was a festival goin' on at the time.

Ever had to stop and ask yourself, in all honesty, what the hell you're actually doing? This state of thought is likely brought on by a state of extrem tiredness. I woke up earlier then usual today, and am staring down the tail end of what is shaping up to be a very long day. I can't even take a nap when I get home from school, because I have a subchapter of homework due tomorrow. And then I hear one of my friends. She does three subjects, because she's doing year 12 over 2 years while I'm only doing it over one. And she's thinking of dropping math this year. Then, when being told to do reviews in our free time, she decides to remark 'what free time'.
And then I suddenly realised why all these people have been telling me year 12 is so hard. It's not because you've got a lot of work to do. It's not the deadlines. It's not the grading. It's the other people in your classes who don't do as much work as you, seek out more help then you, spend less time working then you and are still hailed as the supreme intelects of the area. Bitchy, huh? I'm sure it only bothers me because I'm tired, but I'm begining to wonder what the hell I'm doing. I have no intention of going into a high-paid area of work, No intention of doing anytihng with social skills, very little intention of living past the age of 35... So why exactly am I bothering, when there are so many things I want to do and put off in favour of what I should be doing? I don't go out, I only see people at school- rarely, since most of them don't come anyway, or leave early, and the only person I see outside of school has an unerring ability to make me want to scream and run into wals repeatedly. Or burst into tears and start strangling cats as an externalisation of pent-up frustrations. For someone who can't stand to watch a horror movie I sure tend towards voilence... Probably because people don't listen when you talk.
But then it passes, and I get a snatch of time to recenter and refuel and relax... Personally, I imagine I'm either flying or running. I'm not terribly good at either, but I like just wandering off and not caring if I ever get back. Other people are diferent I understand- they imagine themselves as a bird or on a boat or in a hammoch- It's a neat technique, you should try it sometime.
There is an even better way though. Writing. When you're writing, even if what you're writing is a heap of shinzin, you feel so much better. The words are a therapy. It doesn't need to be related to what makes you mad, it can be pure fiction. It doesn't matter. If you're upset and trying to draw, you usually can't, and you become even more frustrated. Writing doens't seem to matter as much. Just letting it flow.

Enough of this self-indulgent wallowing, yes? Of course.

"People are strange when youre a stranger
Faces look ugly when you're alone"
~The Doors me pallo, the Doors ^_^!
- posted by Washi @ 1:40 pm