She thinks SHE'S the passionate one

Oi... sometimes, I really don't know why I bother. I went over to a friends place last night. I was supposed to help her with her homework- I was under the impression that that's what we'd do, so she could catch up in the two subjects she's actually doing this year. But no, there was someone over there and they were playing Sonic Adventure. Which normally I'd be all for, but I think I was somewhat mislead. At no point was I informed there would be any one else there, although I don't know what I really expected. For them to go home for tea I guess. At least Zoe did ((Huggs and well wishes Zoe, it sucks being sick so close to finals)), but seriously. No wonder she don't come to school, she's got company. I on the other hand sit on my lonesome, or hang around with the few people who stay at school most of the day who are cool and don't make e abjectly afraid simply by their presence. This may be because they're intimidating or because their stupid, who knows.
In either case, I'm suffering form a mix of disgust, rejection, and the certain knowledge that it's none of my business. Who am I to tell people how to live their lives? They don't listen to me, and they are in no way required to. In the end, what I think is inimportant. I think I will also attempt to keep this from my mother, as she doesn't exactly share the same philosophy as myself. She suffers from the certainty that everyone is entitled to her opinion. Especially me. Which, of course, means that I'm the one who gets bitched to because this person is never at school and that person is always sick and this person is just vying for sympathy. None of which is new to me, but really what can one do about such things? I could tell them 'Hey, you're being pathetic, get over yourself' but what will that achieve? But everyone gets this way eventually. The people around them just rise up and attempt to drown them. And I suppose everyone's been guilty of it themselves, as the instruments of anothers downfall, as a pair of cold and clamy hands groping around the ankles of someone barely able to support themselves. No one is innocent by the time they get to this age, or any age younger in many cases.
All in all, what will it mater next year? I'll be somewhere else, and with a little luck I'll be able to find some new friends. Some few may be worth maintaining contact with, if only for nostalgic reference, but at least I will have somewhere I can go to take a break. That's another one of my mothers favorite sayings. "...can't keep relying on you to be there, because you're going to make a whole heap of new friends and you're not going to be able to spend as much time with [whoever, normally Ledi]" Of course, I doubt that will really be a problem any more. I'm not exactly much of a friend, and I've become far from interesting in these times. Really, in the end, what does it matter? Time will flow, as will I, and we will see who has lived the most effectively in the end. Who is happy, who has achieved something, who dies content.

"I play for keeps, 'cause I might not make it back."
~Dead or Alive, Bon Jovi

- posted by Washi @ 6:00 pm