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The problem is- once you start, you don't stop. And then you can't stop. And then things get dangreous...

In recent times, I've found a train o thought running through my head that, while likely little more then my own overdramitization, has given me something to do rather then physically throw myself around my room on nights when I just can't damn well get to sleep. And people wonder why I look like the night of the vampires meets texas wife-basher. But time has passed, I no longer thing, and I suppose it's safe...
I am rarely at the center of the tweaks. I'm somewhere on the edges, looking in. And I have one rule, which while it has never been challenged I'm fairly certain I can uphold it. Never date a friends ex.
You'd think it would be obvious, but some people would rather thing with their hearts then be rational about the whole thing. Which is fair enough for them, but I try not to get emotional. It's why I'll die alone in a car accident.
In any case, this is only a precurser to the point I'm trying to make. Which is that sometimes my mother surprises me. Most of my friends agree they couldn't really live with her- I survive by being immediately submissive and obeying unquestioningly. It saves time. It does, however, mean that people are often quite surprised by the way the household runs. It's not like we get told to do much, but when we are it's not that we're asked, we're told. I tell my brother to lock the door behind me, not ask. He tells me we're watching neighbors, I just have to go find another television. And we're both told by mum. Which is diferent from at my dads, because he never directly askes for anything. He just implies that he wants us to do it. But this has nothing to do with anything.

In any case, mum was gently quizzing me about Iduna (Screen name used for her protection ;Þ) and asking me if we were still friends. She then said she could understand why she was upset and angry - Being told you're not loved will do that to a girl. And I had to prevent myself from gapeing at her. In this whole big issue, that was the only time I'd heard anyone else say that they could see her side. Everone else has been very pro-the-dude, which I have some trouble with due to the fact that I am natually scared of all men and he just makes me slightly uneasy. Less uneasy then almost anyone except Nikk and perhaps Jason (Who I really SHOULD be uneasy about), but still... I felt a little better for sticking to my blind sence of loyalty. I mean - You go through life not dareing to think that anyone will ever like you for you, and then all of a sudden you find someone who does. But then they don't, and it's not like in the books where people fall in love and it's all mutual and nice. And where does that leave you? Or is it just me superimposing myself over another person?

People can be loyal to a person they're not really happy with simply because they believe they'll never do any better. My nature dictates that this is the likely course I will take, but my history dictates that it isn't always the case - Perhaps I'm just over timmid. Iduna and myself have a fair bit in common besides just a history, as is indicated when we used to get together and talk. I don't talk that much with anyone else- Not even Ledi and Zoe. I find with them it gets to a stage where we're just staring of into space or doing something else to avoid mechanical polite conversation. More then likely it's just that I don't talk to Iduna as much. Especially not now, since every conversation goes back to him and I don't want to talk about him any more then I have to. But we both grew up underdogs - Outsiders I suppose. And natural progression doesn't dictate that we end up in a beautiful loving relationship with a nice guy who we eventually marry and spawn with. The marrying and spawning bit happens I'm sure, although at least in my case it probably shouldn't. But perhaps she still hopes. I've only recently discovered the notion of romance, she's known about it for years. Maybe that's it. I'm sure if she reads this, I'll be told in depth -_-;; I almost hope she skips this entry - speculation about a person so often turns out to be wrong. I know she's a vengeful person, I know she holds a grudge and has no problem with being nasty to those she dislikes. But I'm no perfect princess myself, I'm not one to decide how a person should react. Neither is anyone else - not them, not us, not you. And in the end I suppose it doens't really matter. It's all the same.

That asside, I got sunnies! They're purple! I love purple! An accessory shop just opened up, and I haven't seen so many knick-knacks in one place made our of chamois and leather. Which reminds me, I have to get a sewing macine one day. So I can make my own clothes. Theyn they can be in the style I want and be purple rather then me havning to choose between punk, ghetto or pop. Which I hate, because I'd prefer to be just bloomin me. And I'd like one of those hand thing thats made up of chain links and is held onto the bakc of yout hand with a ring on each finger and a clip around the wrist. If I had one of them, I might never take it off. I like the leather-strap-and-stud bracelett look (and collars- I still wanna get me a dog's collar and find a good lenggth of chain for my Eagle), but that tends to be asociated, and If there's one thing I don't like it's looking like I'm trying to be part of some group I'm not. Try-hardish; ugh. If I get comments, it's on the fact that I'm different from most people in the way I dress and act. Which I'm assuming is just because people like me like to stay in their homes and hide under their beds. Tonight I plan to start TBE. I'd like to try to get a page penciled. I might make a half a page if I'm lucky U-.-U

Enough of this self indulgant tripe, agreed my puppies?

"Fuzzy Wuzzy was a Woman"
~Jason.
- posted by Washi @ 4:28 pm