Baby got Back Boy

Friday. I've just stuffed up badly on a Java test, in which I didn't answer questions I knew the answer to because I wasn't 100% sure. Because I am stoopid.

Which brings me topoint one of todays blog.

I've been here 4 weeks (I can't believe it either, allow me to assure you) and I've already been relegated to inteligence. How this happens is beyond me - I honnestly cannot work it out. The only thing that comes to mind is my large mouth. I tend to speak up. I have a fair ammount of spare time, in which I tend to do school work (Usually while dreaming of drawing, but that's anothe issue all together), and when the tutor or lecturer asks us a question, which I think I know the answer to, I speak up. I'm not always correct, but I try to understand what's going on (Although I don't always, I often seem to be able to get a grasp on how to do things without vocally being able to understand exactly how they operate). But many of the things aren't all that dificult to comprehend - you just have to try to think about them your own way instead of thinking about them someone elses way. And yet, despite my incompetence and obvious lack of actual practical application skills, I am relegated to the inteligence category. Right now, Technical Communication is the minefield. The seminar leader has put the idea out - I reply to basic questions with answers which either seem logical to me or are dredged from the half-forgotten voids of my memmory, and she has decided I'm inteligent. Inteligence is a dificult thing to manage, so I'm willing to accept that I may fit into another definition of this intelect stuff then the practical and worldly variety that is, in actual fact, of any value. The part that really gets to me is that knowing, even a little ammused smile that the tutor gives me when I'm tying to answer a logic question. Logic is the worst of the lessons - The classes are run via question and answer. She asks the questions, we're expected to answer them. The issue with that is that no one in that whole damn room, except for one or two others whoom I think are minor angels, are willing to speak up. What, are they afraid frogs will jump out of thir mouth? I get the answer wrong about as often as I get it right, but I keep on damn well talking. I inherited that from my mother, trust me. Yet, for some reason, this complete lack of decency and fear in the face of strangers who, to be perfectly honnest, really don't matter much to me anyway, is somehow a determinite of my intellect? I don't think so sunshine.

Perhaps I understand some hings faster then other people. Usually, I do not. Perhaps I get the answer correct more often then some people. Normally, I don't. I simply Sound like I know what I'm talking about, and that is enough for the general masses. I cannot think outside the square - my square is shaped too much like a circle for me to find the corner out. Put me in any sort of practical situation, and watch me unravel like so much twine.

Now, onto point two which was.... um... Oh yes! The year 12 art exhibition opens today, and I'm going to have a nosey around before I go in to Game Wizards and say howzit to Liam and all that. Jouyous, che?

Point three. The ANZAC day long weekend. Where is the issue? Apparently, I'm going camping with Zoe, her godbrother Vincent and her godfather. I WANT to be going to a birthday bash held on the saturday. But I DID say that I would go camping with Zoe, and she DID go to my fathers wedding, and she didn't know my step-brothers then either. A house is probably a bit diferent from a tent, but that's superficial I'm sure... The fact is, I'm obligated to go camping with her, despite what my mother says about doing what I want. She doesn't seem to understand - It isn't about what I want. It doesn't seem to be about what I want most of the time, but it's that way for everybody. I'm obligated to go out into the wilds with Zoe and Vincent (Whom I have to admit, I don't actually know that well. But I have a feeling he already doesn't like me a whole lot - Or, at least, he won't like me in short order). I can't for the life of me remember exactly who her god-father is, but I have a suspicion he was the creepy looking one who was at her party.
See, when I agreed to go camping with Zoe, I rather thought it would be just her and me and... Welll, preferably just us, since I think I'd kill Lauren and/or Michelle if they came up with us - I can't take thm in large doses. They irritate me too much. I also rather thought we'd be 19, she'd be off of her p-plates and we'd have borowed my fathers trailer-side cooker. That sort of thing. This I wasn't expecting so muc, but I said it was allright with me when she told us that this was how we were going. Vincent surprised me - I didn't think he was the out-doorsy type.
But then this pary comes up, and it sounds like it's actually going to be a lot of fun. whcih is saying something, since I tend to dislike parties. Everyone sits around in the back yard and gets drunk It's unbelieveably, incredibly, abnormally, BORING. Unless it's you and a few friends who you KNOW are interesting people, like at Erin's party, it tends to turn into 'let's just sit here and try to avoid being hit on by drunken guys in snoop-dog gangsta-wannabe shirts'. Like at Petty's last party, which was a small disaster and was mostly an excuse for her to get high. Although, I have to admit, I seem to have more fun if Ledi isn't present. I just have more trouble getting home. At one of Erin's parties she wouldn't let me dance - She made me sit down the whole night by hugging me around the stomach. Which Nikk found disturbing, but he was drunk anyway.
But that's in the past. Point is, I REALLY want to go to Lyassa's party, but I'm obligated to go camping with Zoe. The last time this happened, I made the wrong choice. i don't want to do that again.

When was the last time? it was a few months back - I blogged about it. My father wanted to take me to the galleries, and I really, REALLY wanted to go. But I didn't because I was supposed to be at Ledi's place for Roleplay, whcih we didn't do so I sat around doing nothing and spent the night crying. I felt like I'd let my father down for no reason onther then my stupid sence of duty - just because I was obligated to be at Ledi's, and she would have been mad at me if I'd missed it. Although why I cared is beyond me - She's mad at me all the time, and she's made it fairly obvious she hates me. I think she keeps me around so that she has a target for her self hatred and an object with which to inflict pitty on herself though. I don't like being the tool she uses to fuel her own ilnesses. On the other hand, she seems to be getting better. Probably because I don't spend as mch time near her. Which is ain immesurably good thing, as i'm sure any long-term readers have gathered. But I think I've always resented Ledi for making me miss out on spending some time with my father - we haven't really spent any time together since. There was nothign else that we could do as a father and daughter. It makes me cry just thinking about what ove missed. Do I want to resent Zoe like that?

Point four. Todd is selfish and paranoid. There, I said it. Glad that's out.

Let's move on with life.

"Squidlings!!"
~Liam and da gang, who don't read this anyway but hey ^_^;
- posted by Washi @ 11:18 am