Itsumo, Itsumo, Itsudemo!

Does anyone else think the girl in the post below isn't so much flat-chested as just not overly pronounced? I mean - I've heard of flatter, if not actually having SEEN them on anyone ever the age of ten. Young teenage girls are shy about these things.

Just returned from pagans, which I enjoyed as much as I usually do ^_^. But lets rewind the day a bit first...

Morning. Uni. I tell the story of how I nearly cracked my skull open. The teacher looks shocked. My story isn't the most ridiculous one there. Next lesson - Logic lecture. I either zone out or fall asleep at the end of it, because I wake up to find the lesson's over and there's a whole lot more writing on the board. I see a large and and a dying bee, and then I head into the city, where I meet up with... Iduna! Which was great, because it gave us a chance to do some catching up in person. And I gots ta see her tattoo! Which must have looked wierd to anyone walking into the toilets at that particular moment ^_^;; I then picked up a costume item and headed home, where I ate as quickly as possible and headed off for Pagans at the Pub with Zoe. Which we arrived for 1/2 an hour early, amasingly. Tonights lecturer, once again, didn't show up, so we had a lecture on divination and the Tarot, which I personaly found thoroughly enthraling. I really do enjoy these. Plus next month they're holding a masked fire procession that I'd absolutely adore being a part of - I could wear my Eagle mask. I'd just have to keep the feather mane away from the open flames. I suppose I'll think about it closer to the date.

Now that I've calmed dwon a bit, I'll talk about something else I thought of tonight. Todd once sid to me that he knew how I felt about Manny, because he hated the guy his mother was dating. I said 'I doubt that somehow'. Alow me to explain exactly why.

My mother hs been seeing Manny for over 7 years now. He lived with us for a short time. First and formost, his son irritates me. He's so loud and he's a compulsive lier. But that's not important. He moved in with us while we were living in the Royal park house, which may be the bigest actual house we've ever lived in. One of the rooms smelt like cat-piss and the back yard was barely a cort-yard, but definitely one of the better ones. In any acse, Manny brought home this truckie friend of his named Russle to live with us. I believe I was 14, possibly I was younger. I guess it was good that his job required him to be away so much - I didn't like him, and I didn't think it was fair to bring a guy like russle anywhere near my brother, who was young and ipressionable. Mum agreed, somewhat. I can't remember what she did - But I think what we did was move to another place. The rent on that place probably went up anyway, and mum decided he couldn't live with Manny. But she didn't break up with him. I don't think she's happy with him, but then I'm not sure my mother would ever me happy with anyone. It just went on for a while... Untill we reach our presant state. Which is to say, Manny owns the ouse we live in. he keeps threatening to sll it and is raising the rent - actually, he already has but it's not as high as he wants it to be. Mum can't break up with him, because he wont be just friends - All or nothing I guess. And if they can't associate, we can't stay here. Actually, he was really making an effort to sell the place until mum threatened to break up with him - then he stopped trying. Which may be one reason mum stays - it gives her some measure of controll. She was an idiot to move itno a house owned by him in the first place, which I knew the seccond we moved in. But what could I say, I'm just a silly girl who knows nothing about relationships or the way the world works. And although mum is convinced He'd never hit her, having heard about the incident with his sister - No, I have no faith I guess. Although a part of me is fairly certain she does have some tentative level of fear held over him, iI don't know that it will hold up if she makes him really mad. I hope I don't have to find out.

It's a fairly standard, habbit-formed sort of thing. He comes over occasionally for a home-cooked meal and to sprawl out on the couch with our dog. She goes over to his place every seccond weekend, when he doesn't have his son. She doesn't really like him much either, and she's more tolerant of these sorts of things. Hell, she's got me and my bro pretty much whipped. She bitches to me a lot about him, but that may just be because she really needs more good friends. Or that she likes an ear to bitch to that doesn't have a whole lot of choice but to agree ^_^;;

So in any case, how do I feel about Manny? Tired, mostly. I hate him in a sort of tired, consistant, passive way. I hate seeing him, hate hearing his voice in my house, hate knowing it isn't my house at all - it's his. I don't talk to him, dont' associate with him - try not to be in the same room as him. He grates on my nerves. And I hate that my mother doesn't have someone better, wether Karma decides that she deserves one or not. It's probably because what I look for in someone for her is someone who will treat her nicely and is good to my brother and I. It's probably too much to hope for some sot of love - although maybe it's possible. I dislike their relationship I suppose - it scares me a little. And maybe I am just a little girl who doesn't know the way the world works, but I don't think this is a helthy place for my mother to be. But the question is - If we do move, will she really drop him Or is a seven year habbit such as him too hard for her to drop? Maybe they'll just go on and on, just for the sake of companionship and to shit each other off.

Like I said - What do I know? Just a child. I do know that I think of my father and his new mariage in the oposite light. Like something that was ment to happen finally did.


"When everybody thinks alike, Nobody thinks very much"
- posted by Washi @ 1:13 am