While The Wheels Fall Off

It was after 5 am when I got to bed last night. When I walked into the house, I realised thre might be a subconsious reason for this.

I headed for my bedroom but had to pause in the hallway for a moment as, without warning, an immage from a bad dream I'd had the night before hit me. This suddenly filled me with an irrational sense of fear, and made it surprisingly dificult to get to sleep given that I'd been up since 10 the previous morning (After I was awoken by this self same image).

So what could inspire such fear in the heart of myself? Given the plethera of things I'm afraid of that's not such a bright question - carrots could probably have terrified me.

The dream was very similar to one I'd had previously - I think it was set in the same little costal place. I recognised some of the scenery, and not in the way that someone can see something completely foreign in a dream and be told that they know it. I didn't recognise that it was the same place until I woke up - A costal holiday-type place, with blue seas, blue skies and large cliffs. I don't remember the woman specifically from my last dream, but she may well have been earlier.

I (Or, at least, the lead character - It didn't look like me, but my mind asociated it with myself) was with two others - both male. The last time I had this dream one of them was my brother, but I don't think I actualy knew these two people. The grass was green, the day was bright and sunny and the trees were making patterns on the ground. I can't tell you what the trees actually looked like though - I know that they were there, and my mind will probably fill in the blanks later, but I don't remember them looking like much. There were small houses - like cottages - ahead of us. We had to get in to one, and for some reason I had a baby with me (The baby is new to the dream too). But the one we had to go onto had this woman in front of it. And this was the scary part.

The only real shadow was the shadow cast by the house (Which didn't comply with the rest of the light, I don't think, but hey...) and that's what she was in. She was gaunt, but not really emanciated like Cryptandra. Her skin was ashen grey, blotched and looked a little slimy from where we were. Her hair was a grey black and hung in rats-tails about her face and down into the ground. All you could see of her were her shoulders and her head, because the rest of her was either underground or didn't exist. The ground around her shoulders appeared to be slightly disturbed wherever she went, which made me think that the rest of her was just underground, like she had been burried, or had wored her way up from below. When she moved it was like she glided through the ground, or walked on somehing below it that only kept her head and shoulders in the area above. Her eyes were hollowed out, but vibrant. She was looking right at me and smiling, and I was terrified of her. The two guys who were with me ran away, which left just me and this woman, looking at me from the distance away. I dont' think I moved, but I do think I killed the baby rather then go near this woman. She was pleased about this, and she moved off quickly into another buildig (Through the door itself I think, but I can't remember for sure - mostly I was just scared). She glided back though and resmed her place. I was struglign to wake up during this, actually succedded in really coming out of the dream about here. Problem was, as I lay there I kept slipping back into it, and she was always there. I was awake enough to try to destroy her, but it didn't seem to work. Eventually I escaped to my island and sought refuge with the purple lady there rather then return to that dream. The island is something of a psychic refuge - the lady waits by a large old tree near a river over which an old branch has fallen. the grass is a pale green, the water is perfectly clear, and its a calming place. She listens to me, and I talk. Then I feel less inclined to have to rely on other people. Of course in recent times I've had my Blog, so I'm not going there as much either. Only when it's too far away.

It's hard to explain exactly what's so scary about something like that, especially when the atmosphere of the dream up to that point was in no way threatening, she made no actual move towards me and I wasn't physically threatened in any way in the dream. But I was so terrified that the fear hit again when I headed in to bed to attempt sleep.

This is one of the reasons why I was worried about what I'd eventually end up doing to avoid sleeping alone. When my concious mind doesn't provide the terror, my sobcontious finds a way. It's why I don't watch horror movies any more, try to avoid reading things that scare me or make me uncomfortable. Perhaps I jsut have too much imagination for my own good, and it hasn't been as exercised lately as it wants to be. So it's punishing me. But I don't want to be scared - If that means I end up staying up all night with a friend or two getting smashed or I go around picking up one-nights... Who knows. Maybe it'll go before I have to worry about it.

It's been getting better lately. This last attack was the first one for a while, so perhaps I'm getting over it.

The previous course of the dream was nowhere near as scary, although I can't remember a whole lot about it. This dream also reminded me of two others that have fled my mind - at least one of them was all in monochrome and extremly uncomfortable though, I remember this for certain. I could not tell you what the dream was though.

But enough on dreams and my own childish fears. On to some quizzes!


Cunilingus!


What Kinky Sexual Activity Are You?
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No! I am a dog person god damn you!! and I didn't like Titanic much, so....Nyah! I would have thought I was voyerism...


Cobra Commander!


Which Incompetent Cartoon Megalomaniacal Dictator Are You?
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"It all began with Adam. He was the first man to tell a joke--or a lie. How lucky Adam was. He knew when he said a good thing, nobody had said it before. Adam was not alone in the Garden of Eden, however, and does not deserve all the credit; much is due to Eve, the first woman, and Satan, the first consultant."
~Mark Twain
- posted by Washi @ 7:00 pm