Lifestyles of the Emotionally Retarded

Antway, I've finished two of my exams n ow, with two more to go. I was so frikkin tired all throughout the one I had today... And why you may ask, gentle reader? Because I was up untill frikkin 3am crying over the most ridiculous thing(s). I'm a moron, I know - Shtupid washi.

But then I hauled myself out of bed at 10 because I couldn't stand to be there any longer. I threw my self near head-long into study and watched some mind-numbing TV (Jerry springer - 'I'm Sleeping With My Sibling'. May the goddess strain my soul free of that taint...) to stop me thinking and starting to cry again.
The problem was, it was a usually pure memory - a thought I can usually use to keep myself sane in the night that was infected, and I kept returning to it, and it kept poisoning me. But when I went away from it, the old fears started licking their lips. Thereby proving that the only cure for me may be a quick shot of lead to the head ::rolls eyes:: I know, I piss myself of too with my whiney bitching. But I'm worried that i'll go to bed tonight and It'll happen again. Still, I think I'd much rather be crying then afraid. It's a diferent sort of fear - it hurts diferently. That's probably because it's not something I should be afraid of - being attacked on the way home from the bus stop is something that, if a little paranoid, is at least an apropriate fear. This... is not only the single most rediculous and unhealthy thing to react this badly too, but it goes against the very fiber of my religion, and I would have thought a month ago the very fiber of my nature. So my conclusion is I must be sick in some way - but I dont' want to go on about that crap any more. Onto the day.

Liam called a little before 4 to wish me luck. That was really nice ^_^ I felt really good untill i got to the bus stop. The bus came late, as it always does. So instead of getting to the hall by five, like I wanted, I got there about 5:30. Bah. I'll have to get up so bloody early for Java - I think I'm going to die.

Anyway, mu CIT was... not so much bad as not good, I suppose. I should still pass and not have to do that subject again - I'll admit I think I slept through the parts where we talked about some of those things.

Still working on the graphical side of my layout. And loving it still, thankyou for asking. But I have to get started on my commissions, and finish that Lain picture (I'm nearly done) as well as get to work on another AVCon pic and some personal projects. Must... get... FILM! Take photos. AVCON! There we go, that's my excuse. I'll take photoes of what I have to sell, and then I'll eat up the rest of the roll taking photoes at AVCon. But then I'll have to use mum's camera... ah well.

Dani made an excellent point in her blog. That's deep girl, that's just deep. And so young too ^_^! Yes, I'm a total hippy sometimes. So shoot me with your water gun. I'll wear a white t-shirt and we can give the locals a real show. Okay, a small show. Not really much of a show at all... I'll leave that there. I don't have low self image, I have realistic self image.

Speaking of, I'm seriously getting sick of car horns. I don't know these people, so they're not honking the 'hey, remember me' honk. Most of them probably aren't actually honking at ME at all, they just seem to like doing it when they're driving past where I am, usually quite suddenly and designed to scare the life out of me. I got less today then I did yesterday though - either the atmosphere was diferent ot it was the baggy lets-remove-all-traces-of-figure-and-feminity clothing that I love so very very much. Gah. I wonder if I'll be able to do summer - on the one hand, I like showing off my body. For all intents and purposes, it's not all that bad. Plus it's got that spiffy tattoo now. On the other hand, I dislike being looked at. I, like many girls, dress for other girls rather then for boys. Still scared of most of the male population.



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"A hen is only an egg's way of making another egg."
~Samuel Butler

- posted by Washi @ 1:35 am