The Returning Zero

I'm back again. Last weekend was the AV-Con, and it was (Of course) a blast ^_^.
So now, I relate.

I cosplayed as Lain in her bear-PJ's first off. Liam went as Larva. He looked kinda scary, but I got to colour his hair blue and he looked all cute and sexy ^_^! We milled around a bit, had a look at the stalls, watched the DDR competitions and so on and such forth... I entered three pieces into the art competition - One of them was sold for about $10 (A fair price, I must say) and one of them was stolen believe it or not - To my knowledge, it was the only one who went missing. My theory is that the person I'd sold the Lain picture too thought the other was included in the price or somesuch, because it's dificult to imagine someone ballzy enough to take a picture off of the art board deciding to take mine.

That asside, we also watched some of the Anime's they were screaning (although I'd seen almost none, Liam had seen almost all of them so we wandered around instead). We were gonna see the Ah, My Goddess movie, but Ri-chan had to go do something so I said I'd meet him in the cinema. But when he came in he couldn't see me (I did wave and try to get his attention. I'm stupid though - I should have gone out to get him when he walked out rather then just sit around nd get upset. I'm stupid like that).
I left the movie early though to get to the quizz, since a couple of Liam's friends had invited us to sit on their table. They'd all gone down to get subways - I'm a stupid bitch for not remembering my phone, I know. Bad me, very bad me. On the way, Ledi had a go at me for ignoring her. I wanted to hit her for that, but I guess she's had a point. I do prefer to be with Liam then with her. But I'm affraid I'm under the impression that that's the way it's supposed to be - You hang around with people you like being with and who make you happy instead of those who don't. Ah well, I guess it's my own fault.

Anyway, the quizz - we more or less understood, implicitly, that we didn't have a hope in hell. But maybe - just maybe - there would be a wooden spoon prize. Besides, it's more fun to get the answers wrong in an ammusing fassion. So we got zero points. On the other hand, first prize was a sack full of strawberry pocky. So it all went well.

Day two involved less seperate ideas - there was the cosplay contest, which I stuffed up on but enjoyed anyway. I got a lot of photoes taken of me ^_^;; So all is good. There were sausages, and we watched a bit of Please Teacher and the like - We got to see a few eppisodes of .Hack and Earth Defender, and a few AMV's... There were some pretty good ones too ^_^ Then there was a J-rock band and Anime Kareoke (Before you ask, yes - Fly me to the moon did get sung. Of course it did :P) And Mowen got a sonic plushie that is, quite simply, the most gorgeous thing EVER!! If there had been a Tails or a Knickles... Jai! I would have so wanted that ^_^! And would have just been able to aford it too, with the money I got from the Lain pic.


Now, a moment of personal mussings before I get my sorry white arse to bed. It seems to me I've developed a nasty habit of getting upset over things I have, really, no right to be upset about. I won't get into too many examples, but I'm fully aware that if something can't be helped or, more importantly, if I didn't say anything about something then I have no right to be upset about it. So it's irritating that I always seem to get that way - over the most ridiculous things. In much the way that, if my automated response to the question 'are you alright' is 'yes' without actually stopping to think first, I have no right to wonder why people dont't notice that something's wrong. I usually manage to stop and berate myself for that most viciously. Really quite ridiculous - and I know that it's the sort of thing that can just nibble away at you untill it becomes a problem ten times bigger then it should be.

So why can I simply not speak?

Perhaps it's just because it seems to hurt less, if more constantly, tosay nothing then it does to try to talk. I know this is a condition that affects more then just me - But sometimes... I'm not sure. I know that when Ledi tells me what's wrong with her I feel sick to my stomach and want to hit her. But when Zoe tells me, I want to help her and give her what advice I can, or a hug or... whatever I suppose. So who an I to others? Am I a Ledi or a Zoe? Maybe a part of the hurt is that I dont' want to risk forcing so much of myself onto those around me that I become a Ledi.


"Yo momma's so fat, she drives on both sides of the road."
~ Answer to the question 'what side of the road to they drive on in Japan?'
- posted by Washi @ 2:13 am