The Left aware of the Right
It's bloggin' time! So to speak... My weekend has been odd.

Ri-chan came over Friday night. Which made me a happy puppy, even though hes usually tired after the Friday night game. We watched the glass house and snugged for a bit and I ate some food, so all was good. He'd gotten a message earlier that day about one of his other games, which was having a session on Saturday. However, my Nana's 70th birthday family BBQ was also on Saturday, and since I had a doctor's apointment at 10 that morning, I couldn't go up on the friday night (Even had I not had a game that night). I'd asked Liam earlier if he wanted to go and he conceded, although it was reluctantly. Because of where my father lives, I couldn't get up there unless someone took me, so that was that issue. So, I gave him the choice - if he really wanted to go to the game, he could, but if he would rather come to the BBQ, then we could head up after my appointment. I wanted to go catch up with my family (I haven't seen any of them since Dad got married, and I was in the photo of the family for Nana's 60th, which was also at Dad's place, just at his old place. I don't know why it bothers me that I won't be in this year's photos), but I knew, from past experiences (Just check the blog archives) that being put in this situation was never a good one. For example: Back when I was playing the Saturday game with Ledi and Iduna, Dad wanted to take me to the gallery to spend some time with me. I, of course, wanted to go because I knew it meant a lot to him to spend time with me and we don't get to do a lot together. But I already had a responsablility to the game. So we negotiated to go on Sunday, and I went to the game on Saturday, where I was informed that because some people had things we'd be playing on Sunday. And the choice was - go with my commitment to the game, and skip out on a rare chance to be with my dad, or play the game. I made the wrong choice - I chose the game over my father. More recently, I skipped out on going to a pre-planed camping trip with Zoe and her God-father and god-brother to go to someone's 21st. This is a little harder - I think I made the wrong choice here, but in the eyes of my mother at least I made the right one by not spendind a weekend in the forrest with a strange man and a goth punk I hardly know. But I disapointed Zoe, and I know I shouldn't have done that.
I didn't want Ri-chan being upset because he thought he should be somewhere else, or thought he'd be happier being somewhere else. I left him a spare set of keys and told him that, if he decided to go to the game, he could use them to get out.

I can't say I'm surprised he chose to go to the game - I was rather expecting it. Didn't mean it didn't hurt, of course, but I had a feeling that, even if he could technically have skipped this session due to being between characters, he would still go. A guy needs to spend some time with his friends, no? And it would be selfish of me to start saying things like 'Well, I know where I stand now' and all that. He left me a note before he left.

In any case, I slept off most of the upsetness. Dad called to ask where I was (I planned to call him and tell him I wasn't coming around 12/1-ish, since I figured the preparing would be done by then, but I slept through that) so I told him I couldn't get there and to wish Nana and Jennefer a happy birthday and say hi to everyone for me. Nanna kept calling me Michael, so I guess Michael wasn't there either. More insentive to have been there ::chuckle::. Jennefer forgot to hang the phone up, so I could hear dad explaining to some family member or other who Liam was and why I wasn't going to be there. I was tempeted to just sit and listen for a while, but Dad had called my mobile so I thought I should save him the bill. Mum stopped by as well, and read Liam's note when she was writing her own down, so she probably got a bit of a wrong idea - she asked me today over the phone if I was mad at him when he got back.

I came in around 8-ish to do some other homework and eat. I lit up some candles too - they smelt nice - and started wondernig when Ri-chan might be getting back. I dont' know why; I knew he'd get back around 11:30 - 12ish, so I've no idea why I was pondering it. Once I remembered that, I realised there was no point cooking for two and heated up half of the pizza's. Contemplated going to bed around the 11:00 mark, decided that wouldn't be fair.

And Yesterday? Slept in until almost three, spent what little of the day I had left sorting stuff. I should probably go to bed, but after sleeping in untill 3, I'm really not tired yet. After waking up at 7 tomorrow I'm sure I will be though, but I have a good 5 hour break in the middle of the day during which I can nap.

Signing out of this pitty-fest.

Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live.
~ Oscar Wilde

- posted by Washi @ 1:29 am