Why Don't Swords Of Icey Relief Fall From The Sky And Stab Me?
That would be the polite thing to do.

I think I've managed to stuff up again. That's what was implied in my general direction. Why didn't I leave the message to travis? Well... appart from the fact he probably wouldn't do anything... I managed to fuck it up. I didn't even realise there was anything wrong. It seemed fine and natural, and Travis said nothing about it, and damnit he was THERE so I'm guessing he didn't think it was strange...

But mum did, and that means dad probably will. Damnit, I STILL think of him as my father, but a man deserves a name! If I just go around thinking of him as 'My Dad' then he doesn't get to be a person, because - let's face it - I don't get to see him that much.

Either way - I've done something bad. And I feel really bad for it. I'm always so mean to him - I don't mean to be, but I'm just so selfish and thoughtless that I end up doing the wrong thing, and I don't want to upset him... I really don't. I love my father.

I suppose I should leave it there... it dominates my thoughs, and as such I can say no more on other subjects, save that I can still see the mark where my dog scratched me, and that I feel this may invade my sleep and take the place of the current ideas which plague my sleep.

Bah.


"And you, my parents, am I not right? You who loved me
for that small beginning of my love for you
from which I always shyly turned away, because
the distance in your features grew, changed,
even while I loved it, into cosmic space
where you no longer were..."
~ Exerpt from the Forth Elergy, Rainer Maria Rilke
- posted by Washi @ 4:01 pm